Gentle Didn’t Work

Sam had been married for thirty-two years when it occurred to him, midway through breakfast, that he might be allergic to his wife’s cooking. Not the food itself — the cooking. The process. Every time she turned on the stove, his left eye twitched, and he couldn’t tell if it was the garlic or the sound of her humming Celine Dion songs at full volume. He decided to mention it gently. She responded by adding more garlic.